Well this year and last has had its highs and lows. One year of remission, got married, attended two other weddings (my brother and sister), took a training class in Oklahoma City, found out I was pregnant and much more of course. Kept it a secret during the last wedding (my brothers). They say not to say anything until you get past the two month mark (anything can happen), but I wouldn’t want to take away from anyone’s day. That is just not me. So aside from my husband and his family and my father, no one else knew. The weekend after I announced it.
My sister was the one that was extremely thrilled for me. I finally got a positive reaction from a family member. I honestly cried tears of happiness. Considering none of my family acknowledged my wedding/marriage. We got married at the court house. My father and sister were the only ones to say congrats. My uncle from my fathers side were the only ones to give us a card (and had a little gift). I wanted to cry seeing that.
The longer I stay in this city with my family and their spouses/extended families, the more my family looks more like strangers. I’m starting to not know how to act around them anymore. I’m constantly lied to or my family is excluded from events, like my brothers gender reveal party. Everyone was invited, and told to not say anything to me. The day of their party (Sunday), I came into the office to clean and work. My father was there and wanted to show me his new car. I sat in it and looked in the backseat to find gift bags/presents. I asked who those were for and he said my aunts birthday. I also asked what he was up to for the rest of the day, he said he was meeting up with my aunt and uncle later. Didn’t even address the party. I came home to continue cleaning. My husband went on his Instagram to see videos and photos my brother’s wife posted. I looked at it from mine. I heard and saw every family member of mine there. My brother’s wife received a notification that I had viewed it. An hour later she liked my last photo…
My brother had yet to address it and his wife ignores it. I know my family sweeps things under the rug and we shouldn’t, I know. BUT if you are not blood, you do not get the privileged of doing that in our family. To do that, dues need to be paid. I know I have paid mine.
So now my brother’s wife works here and they both are literally a wall away from me. I hate coming into work more than ever. The rule here at this family office was no spouses are allowed to work here. My husband needed a job after moving to this city for my family, my father wouldn’t hire him. He continues to not hire him even when he offered to fix his roof leak for free. Now she works here until she gives birth and I get to hear how happy my own mother is for her. Helping to plan her baby shower. And see how happy she gets to be during her pregnancy.
Call me bitter. But I worked for everything in my life, as oppose to my brother. He lives in a house that my parents gave the siblings as a starter home. Lives on the water, has a kayak, gets all renovations paid for by my parents. My parents also paid for his seawall to be replaced. I know that cost $23,000. While my brother just pays $600/month for rent. My sister traded her car for my mom’s BMW, my brother traded his car for my father’s Audi. Which my father lied to me about why they have them. And my siblings have all used the Subaru car that was only purchased because I had cancer and my mother would drive down to Miami to see me sometimes. I have had so many car problems, and not once offered that car. They just say, why can’t your husband take you. We needed the money and he couldn’t miss his own work.
I worked my butt off to get the things I have in my life. I beat cancer, purchased my own house with my husband. Dealt with a lemon car in court vs. Lexus. Lost. Bought a new car and had to finance. Out-casted by my family. Went through my entire pregnancy without full support.
My pregnancy was hard. The day I told my mother. She cried and said how are you going to take care of it, when you can’t take care of yourself? Knife to the heart. I came back that Monday to find a note on my desk from my mother. It said, she no longer works here and to do my own shredding. I asked my father what she was doing for the last two days. He didn’t know. I found out my answer that week. She looked herself in the house and took garbage bags to my room. Everything I had in there was taken out to the garage. I was told to pick my stuff up or it would be donated or thrown out. My heart was broken. Let me remind you, I am almost 30 and I feel like I am being treated like if I was 16 and pregnant. But I got my stuff, or as much as I could. I went through the boxes. I just lost it. I broke down. My childhood was in those boxes. That is a memory that has been burned into my head and heart. I promised to my future child/children, I would never do that to them.
My husband gets overwhelmed with the amount of things I have and boxes I have brought to our house, he knew the story and how hurt I was, and welcomed me in the driveway to help me unload.
My sister threw a baby shower for me. I was supposed to have two (one for Billy’s family) and more of my friends were supposed to go to that one. But due to unfortunate events, that one didn’t happen. So the friends that were supposed to go to the Miami one, were invited (too late) for my sisters one. Only two friends were said they would come. It was mostly my brother’s wife’s family and my grandmother. My mother did not want to attend and wanted nothing to do with me and my future daughter. She has yet to say congrats, acknowledge her or want to meet the baby.
I didn’t have my mother during my pregnancy. No one to ask personal questions to or family history or comfort. Nothing. She did come back to work when I took maternity leave. (The non-family employees were told she stopped working because my grandmother needed her.) I wonder if they actually added up the events. It didn’t make sense. It bothers me, it made her sound saint-like than the real reason.
So now I get to hear about how my mother booked the venue for my brother’s wife’s baby shower. Hearing she thought it would be perfect to monogram the paper napkins. Seeing the centerpieces she bought for giveaways.
I am just heartbroken when it comes to my own family.
The only thing that makes everything worth it is my family. Looking into my daughters eyes. I just want her happy and healthy and to never treat her like I was treated by my own family, my own mother. I vow to give her the best life I can for her.
I just think it’s getting closer to leave this city. There really isn’t anything left. Nothing worth staying for.
On a side and happier note, I came up with some designs for tshirts, please check them out. I’ve been dying to give something back to fighting cancer. The “Mind Over Body” shirts are available. 50% of proceeds go towards St. Judes. And get free shipping with code FREESHIP29. I really want to give back, but I need help. Help support the cause.
Follow the link: https://teespring.com/stores/daring-designs
My Crazy, Gluten-Free Life 